var quotes=new Array()

quotes[0]='There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[1]='It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[2]='The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[3]='I can&#39;t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I&#39;m frightened of the old ones.<br /><br /><i>John Cage</i>'

quotes[4]='When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.<br /><br /><i>Eric Hoffer</i>'

quotes[5]='Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[6]='If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[7]='Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[8]='A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[9]='When angry count to four; when very angry, swear.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[10]='Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[11]='I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[12]='It ain&#39;t what you don&#39;t know that gets you into trouble. It&#39;s what you know for sure that just ain&#39;t so.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[13]='It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[14]='What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[15]='My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'

quotes[16]='Eighty percent of success is showing up.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'

quotes[17]='I don&#39;t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[18]='Be thankful we&#39;re not getting all the government we&#39;re paying for.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[19]='Three groups spend other people&#39;s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.<br /><br /><i>Dick Armey</i>'

quotes[20]='If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.<br /><br /><i>Carl Sagan</i>'

quotes[21]='I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.<br /><br /><i>J.D. Salinger</i>'

quotes[22]='Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don&#39;t know and I don&#39;t care.<br /><br /><i>William Safire</i>'

quotes[23]='Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.<br /><br /><i>Carl Sandburg</i>'

quotes[24]='Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.<br /><br /><i>Will Durant</i>'

quotes[25]='Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.<br /><br /><i>Thomas Edison</i>'

quotes[26]='By all means let&#39;s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.<br /><br /><i>Richard Dawkins</i>'

quotes[27]='If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[28]='To see what is in front of one&#39;s nose needs a constant struggle.<br /><br /><i>George Orwell</i>'

quotes[29]='It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[30]='Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[31]='Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[32]='A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[33]='Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[34]='When I was young I observed that nine out of every ten things I did were failures, so I did ten times more work.<br /><br /><i>George Bernard Shaw</i>'

quotes[35]='The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.<br /><br /><i>George Bernard Shaw</i>'

quotes[36]='We are all geniuses up to the age of ten.<br /><br /><i>Aldous Huxley</i>'

quotes[37]='Several excuses are always less convincing than one.<br /><br /><i>Aldous Huxley</i>'

quotes[38]='To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.<br /><br /><i>Aldous Huxley</i>'

quotes[39]='Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<br /><br /><i>A.A. Milne</i>'

quotes[40]='You wouldn&#39;t have won if we&#39;d beaten you.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[41]='It ain&#39;t over till it&#39;s over.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[42]='You can observe a lot just by watching.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[43]='We&#39;re lost, but we&#39;re making good time.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[44]='I never said most of the things I said.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[45]='Half the lies they tell about me aren&#39;t true.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[46]='The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[47]='He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.<br /><br /><i>Winston Churchill</i>'

quotes[48]='When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.<br /><br /><i>Winston Churchill</i>'

quotes[49]='My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.<br /><br /><i>Winston Churchill</i>'

quotes[50]='Nature abhors a moron.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[51]='School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[52]='Every library is an arsenal.<br /><br /><i>Robert Green Ingersoll</i>'

quotes[53]='If you think you have it tough, read history books.<br /><br /><i>Bill Maher</i>'

quotes[54]='I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[55]='When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[56]='The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[57]='Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don&#39;t know one child with a full time job and children.<br /><br /><i>Bill Hicks</i>'

quotes[58]='Old age ain&#39;t no place for sissies.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[59]='Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[60]='History deals mainly with captains and kings, gods and prophets, exploiters and despoilers, not with useful men.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[61]='A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[62]='The life of man in this world is like the life of a fly in a room filled with 100 boys, each armed with a fly swatter.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[63]='A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[64]='The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[65]='If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[66]='It is more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[67]='Government is a broker in pillage, and every election is sort of an advance auction sale of stolen goods.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[68]='Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[69]='The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[70]='A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[71]='Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[72]='Men are sad because they have to die so soon, women are sad because they were born so long ago.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[73]='The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[74]='The average man does not get pleasure out of an idea because he thinks it is true; he thinks it is true because he gets pleasure out of it.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[75]='Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[76]='No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[77]='There are two kinds of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[78]='As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[79]='User Error: replace user and press any key to continue.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[80]='The deepest sin against the human mind is to believe things without evidence.<br /><br /><i>Thomas Huxley</i>'

quotes[81]='Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.<br /><br /><i>Albert Einstein</i>'

quotes[82]='Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.<br /><br /><i>H.L. Mencken</i>'

quotes[83]='Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[84]='If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[85]='Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don&#39;t have for something they don&#39;t need.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[86]='All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that&#39;s an alibi for my ignorance.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[87]='An economist&#39;s guess is liable to be as good as anybody else&#39;s.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[88]='An ignorant person is one who doesn&#39;t know what you have just found out.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[89]='Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[90]='The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn&#39;t get worse every time Congress meets.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[91]='There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[92]='Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[93]='Things ain&#39;t what they used to be and never were.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[94]='This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[95]='Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.<br /><br /><i>Will Rogers</i>'

quotes[96]='Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.<br /><br /><i>Arthur C. Clarke</i>'

quotes[97]='Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.<br /><br /><i>Arthur C. Clarke</i>'

quotes[98]='Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.<br /><br /><i>Al Capp</i>'

quotes[99]='Today&#39;s younger generation is no worse than my own. We were just as ignorant and repulsive as they are, but nobody listened to us.<br /><br /><i>Al Capp</i>'

quotes[100]='I don&#39;t have to be careful, I&#39;ve got a gun.<br /><br /><i>Matt Groening</i>'

quotes[101]='We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise.<br /><br /><i>C.S. Lewis</i>'

quotes[102]='We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.<br /><br /><i>C.S. Lewis</i>'

quotes[103]='Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.<br /><br /><i>Rick Cook</i>'

quotes[104]='The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.<br /><br /><i>Rick Cook</i>'

quotes[105]='If you lie to the computer, it will get you.<br /><br /><i>Perry Farrar</i>'

quotes[106]='Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.<br /><br /><i>Donald Knuth</i>'

quotes[107]='King Kong died for our sins.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[108]='One in a million is next Tuesday.<br /><br /><i>Gordon Letwin</i>'

quotes[109]='Computers can never replace human stupidity.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[110]='If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[111]='On a clear disk you can seek forever.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[112]='Programmer (<b>n.</b>): An organism that can turn caffeine into code.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[113]='Programming is an art form that fights back.<br /><br /><i>Herbie T. Mann</i>'

quotes[114]='People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn&#39;t explain why I&#39;m lonely.<br /><br /><i>Mort Sahl</i>'

quotes[115]='My life needs editing.<br /><br /><i>Mort Sahl</i>'

quotes[116]='We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.<br /><br /><i>Sir Winston Churchill</i>'

quotes[117]='When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.<br /><br /><i>Benjamin Franklin</i>'

quotes[118]='Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'
 
quotes[119]='Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.<br /><br /><i>Steven Wright</i>'

quotes[120]='Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.<br /><br /><i>Bill Cosby</i>'

quotes[121]='I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.<br /><br /><i>Lily Tomlin</i>'

quotes[122]='I am not afraid of death, I just don&#39;t want to be there when it happens.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'

quotes[123]='I don&#39;t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'
 
quotes[124]='I failed to make the chess team because of my height.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'
 
quotes[125]='I have a new philosophy. I&#39;m only going to dread one day at a time.<br /><br /><i>Charles M. Schulz</i>'

quotes[126]='I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[127]='I rant, therefore I am.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[128]='I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.<br /><br /><i>Bertrand Russell</i>'

quotes[129]='If you ask me anything I don&#39;t know, I&#39;m not going to answer.<br /><br /><i>Yogi Berra</i>'

quotes[130]='Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.<br /><br /><i>Woody Allen</i>'

quotes[131]='Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.<br /><br /><i>Ronald Reagan</i>'

quotes[132]='There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.<br /><br /><i>Mark Twain</i>'

quotes[133]='When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.<br /><br /><i>George Burns</i>'

quotes[134]='In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to their level of incompetence.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[135]='Noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[136]='Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[137]='The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[138]='Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[139]='Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[140]='Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions - everyone but a school bus driver.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[141]='The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[142]='If two wrongs don&#39;t make a right, try three.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[143]='The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[144]='The only problems money can solve are money problems.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[145]='Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[146]='A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[147]='It is wise to remember that you are one of those who can be fooled some of the time.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[148]='Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.<br /><br /><i>Dr. Laurence J. Peter</i>'

quotes[149]='You can&#39;t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[150]='A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[151]='Don&#39;t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[152]='I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[153]='I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[154]='I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[155]='I drink therefore I am.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[156]='Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[157]='It ain&#39;t what they call you, it&#39;s what you answer to.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[158]='The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[159]='If you can&#39;t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[160]='Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[161]='Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[162]='W.C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I&#39;m looking for a loop-hole", he explained.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[163]='You can&#39;t cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in the first place.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[164]='I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[165]='After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[166]='What is the presidency but a glorified business - or, at least, a fine racket.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[167]='Once, in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[168]='If I had to live my life over, I&#39;d live over a saloon.<br /><br /><i>W.C. Fields</i>'

quotes[169]='Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[170]='Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[171]='If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[172]='Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[173]='If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[174]='An important person should be treated exactly like anyone else holding a gun at your head.<br /><br /><i>P.J. O&#39;Rourke</i>'

quotes[175]='There&#39;s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you&#39;re insightful about it.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[176]='Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[177]='You&#39;ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[178]='Elected office holds more perks than Elvis&#39; nightstand.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[179]='The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[180]='Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation&#39;s highways.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[181]='Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[182]='What&#39;s so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It&#39;s like a shock and aw shucks campaign.<br /><br /><i>Dennis Miller</i>'

quotes[183]='When you&#39;re eight years old, nothing is any of your business.<br /><br /><i>Lenny Bruce</i>'

quotes[184]='I won&#39;t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: "What I&#39;m going to be if I grow up."<br /><br /><i>Lenny Bruce</i>'

quotes[185]='Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.<br /><br /><i>Steven Wright</i>'

quotes[186]='I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.<br /><br /><i>Steven Wright</i>'

quotes[187]='I&#39;d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.<br /><br /><i>Steven Wright</i>'

quotes[188]='I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.<br /><br /><i>Steven Wright</i>'

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